Written by: Doctor Cheung Kit
I often see comments about parenting online and in newspapers. Many people believe that modern children are becoming increasingly difficult to control. For some reason, they seem to be getting smarter and more self-centered, so they don’t easily follow the guidance of their elders. Personally, I tend to be more conservative and believe that the main reason for children’s behavioral issues lies in our inadequate guidance as adults. In theory, no matter how intelligent a child is, as long as boundaries and rules are established early on, they can follow them well. Among various methods, today I want to discuss how to effectively use “One, Two, Three.”
This method is particularly effective for young children because their responses are simply about following the rules they are given. The approach is that when a child exhibits inappropriate behavior, parents can count “One, Two, Three.” If the child does not stop after the count, parents should impose appropriate consequences. The benefits of this method include:
1. When children hear “One, Two, Three,” they know their parents are serious.
2. “One, Two, Three” is time-bound; children cannot use delay tactics. It is more effective than saying “Hurry up” or “Right now.”
3. Children have time to complete what they might originally think is acceptable behavior, so it doesn’t feel too abrupt.
Actually, before saying “One, Two, Three,” there is an implicit understanding between parents and children:
1. Both parties understand the meaning of “One,” “Two,” and “Three.” “One” means parents dislike the child’s inappropriate behavior and want it to stop immediately. “Two” means that if the behavior does not stop right away, there will be consequences. “Three” means that parents will take action immediately.
2. There is no “Four, Five, Six.” There should be reasonable consequences with no room for negotiation.
3. Parents must ensure that the child receives the “One, Two, Three” warning. For example, the child must be able to see the parents starting to count.
4. Counting “One, Two, Three” is already a mild approach that maintains dignity for both sides, so the only way to stop parents from continuing to count is for the child to stop the inappropriate behavior before reaching “One.”
5. Parents need to say “One, Two, Three” seriously. If the child pretends not to hear or employs other tactics, it will not be effective.
In the initial implementation, both sides need time to adapt. However, parents must maintain a firm attitude and eye contact so that the child understands the intent. This “One, Two, Three” method can be used until the child begins to understand, such as in later elementary school, because children start to accept their parents’ explanations and reasoning more. I believe that proper guidance from parents is the key to effectively guiding children’s growth.
